\nThere\u2019s a famous seaside place called Blackpool,
\nThat\u2019s noted for fresh-air and fun,
\nAnd Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
\nWent there with young Albert, their son.<\/p>\n
A grand little lad was their Albert,
\nAll dressed in his best; quite a swell,
\nWith a stick with an \u2018orse\u2019s \u2018ead \u2018andle,
\nThe finest that Woolworth\u2019s could sell.<\/p>\n
They didn\u2019t think much to the ocean:
\nThe waves, they was fiddlin\u2019 and small
\nThere was no wrecks and nobody drownded,
\n\u2018Fact, nothing to laugh at at all.<\/p>\n
So, seeking for further amusement,
\nThey paid and went into the zoo
\nWhere they\u2019d lions and tigers and camels
\nAnd old ale and sandwiches too.<\/p>\n
There were one great big lion called Wallace;
\nHis nose was all covered with scars.
\nHe lay in a som-no-lent posture
\nWith the side of his face on the bars.<\/p>\n
Now Albert had heard about lions,
\nHow they was ferocious and wild.
\nTo see Wallace lying so peaceful,
\nWell… it didn\u2019t seem right to the child.<\/p>\n
So straight \u2018way the brave little feller,
\nNot showing a morsel of fear,
\nTook \u2018is stick with the \u2018orse\u2019s \u2018ead \u2018andle
\nAnd shoved it in Wallace\u2019s ear!<\/p>\n
You could see that the lion didn\u2019t like it,
\nFor giving a kind of a roll,
\nHe pulled Albert inside the cage with \u2018im
\nAnd swallowed the little lad… whole!<\/p>\n
Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence,
\nAnd didn\u2019t know what to do next,
\nSaid, \u201cMother! Yon lions \u2018et Albert.\u201d
\nAnd Mother said \u201cEeh, I am vexed!\u201d<\/p>\n
Then Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom \u2014
\nQuite rightly, when all\u2019s said and done \u2014
\nComplained to the Animal Keeper
\nThat the lion had eaten their son.<\/p>\n
The keeper was quite nice about it;
\nHe said, \u201cWhat a nasty mishap.
\nAre you sure that it\u2019s your boy he\u2019s eaten?\u201d
\nPa said, \u201cAm I sure? There\u2019s his cap!\u201d<\/p>\n
So the manager had to be sent for.
\nHe came and he said, \u201cWhat\u2019s to do?\u201d
\nPa said, \u201cYon lion\u2019s \u2018et Albert,
\nAnd \u2018im in his Sunday clothes, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then Mother said, \u201cRight\u2019s right, young feller;
\nI think it\u2019s a shame and a sin
\nFor a lion to go and eat Albert
\nAnd after we\u2019ve paid to come in!\u201d<\/p>\n
The manager wanted no trouble.
\nHe took out his purse right away,
\nSaying, \u201cHow much to settle the matter?\u201d
\nPa said \u201cWhat do you usually pay?\u201d<\/p>\n
But Mother had turned a bit awkward
\nWhen she thought where her Albert had gone.
\nShe said, \u201cNo! Someone\u2019s got to be summonsed!\u201d
\nSo that was decided upon.<\/p>\n
Then off they went to the P\u2019lice Station
\nIn front of a Magistrate chap.
\nThey told \u2018im what happened to Albert,
\nAnd proved it by showing his cap.<\/p>\n
The Magistrate gave his o-pinion
\nThat no-one was really to blame.
\nHe said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
\nWould have further sons to their name.<\/p>\n
At that Mother got proper blazing,
\nAnd \u201cThank you, sir, kindly!\u201d said she.
\n\u201cWhat?! Waste all our lives raising children
\nTo feed ruddy lions? Not me!\u201d<\/p>\n
By Marriott Edgar<\/p>\n